Warm greetings to you and your family from autumnal Cornwall!
Summer is definitely over, but I really do enjoy the colours; watching the turn of the season and the migrations of wildlife; and going on leafy crunchy walks in the woods with the gang in boots.I can’t believe how this first half term has flown!
One child commencing A-Levels, one progressing to a new level of reading and writing, another settling into pre-school, and the littlest scaring me to death at every opportunity by climbing up things and trying to jump off!
It doesn’t matter how old our children get, they come with different worries, challenges, and joys. As ever, I have been busily working on some new things and I’ll have a couple of exciting announcements coming up over the next few months, but something I am very proud of recently is being able to offer limited complimentary sessions to school refusers who are dealing with crippling anxiety.
When I was teaching, I desperately wished I had more time and energy for the children who were struggling emotionally. Unfortunately, when you have 200 children to teach and numerous meetings, piles of marking, phone calls, admin, very little prep time, and a home life too, it’s impossible to show up for each child in the way they deserve. It’s not the fault of the teachers, or the parents, or the child, but it is becoming a huge problem in our society.
Fear and worry are essential emotions for humans. It’s how we have survived so long; we can predict danger, and when we are in a dangerous situation, our primitive responses are able to immediately blank out our logical thoughts so we can react instantaneously without having to think it through.
The trouble starts when the fear becomes chronic and as we carry it with us day to day, week to week, year to year, it becomes a state of general anxiety which holds us back from living our best lives. The teenage years are where most mental illnesses develop, and it can be a terrifying journey for the young person as well as their family.
When we are fearful, our brains send signals to the body to react appropriately to the perceived danger. We go into a state of fight, flight, or freeze.
For the anxious teenager at school this could look like the child who answers back, the one who runs from lessons and hides in the toilets, or the one who can’t get out of the car in the morning and breaks down crying.
Unfortunately, much of this behaviour results in detentions, more lost time in lessons, embarrassment, difficult conversations… all of which lead to more anxiety, and so the cycle continues.
The child is left feeling there is something inherently wrong with them, that they are a failure, a let-down, that they may as well give up.
Parents are left wondering where they went wrong, why their child doesn’t open up to them anymore, whether they should push harder or take more pressure off… and this is often where I get someone reaching out for some support.
The great news is that although the teen brain is vulnerable to many challenges, it is also THE best time to change negative cycles into positive ones.
I have worked with school refusers from all backgrounds – single parents, both parents, wealthy, not so wealthy, single child, with siblings… and honestly, it makes no difference.
Anxiety is rife amongst our children right now. No doubt the pandemic has something to do with it, but even before then the pressures of exams, testing, and social media were taking their toll. It takes time to work with anxiety and fear, but it’s totally possible, and it starts with understanding.
When we understand what our brains are doing and why, we can start to see our fears and stress in a different light and work with them instead of trying to drown out the negative thoughts and becoming exhausted in the process.
Another key component to turning around anxiety is self-love. This can be surprisingly hard for someone at the start who feels such low self-worth, but it becomes easier pretty quickly, especially with small and attainable goals set weekly. Clients are encouraged to reward themselves for every positive step they take – particularly the ones which involve self-care and doing enjoyable things, because we are so conditioned to feel we can only celebrate results of hard work; leaving us feeling selfish for looking after ourselves.
With self-love comes inner peace and confidence, as well as confidence to open up to grownups such as parents and teachers so they can support the child better, and with this positive mindset comes success in other areas of life. If this resonates, and you or someone you know is going through this please feel free to email me at lifeandsoulcoaches@gmail.com
Complementary sessions are limited to it’s first come first served, but I’d love to hear from you and see how I can help your child and your family.
To Our Children’s Futures!
Charli xx
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